The Proper Use For Dry Peaches

i'll let you know when i know.

I am into strawberry flavored things but not as into strawberries.  I hate hate HATE raspberry flavored things but I love raspberries.  I love raspberries so much.  They make me feel so healthy and happy.  I always want to love real strawberries more than I do, but I’m presuming that’s because of where I live? 

Anyway sorry.  Honestly these past few weeks I learned I hated some people I thought I might be okay with - and that was just annoying and filled me with despair. 

Something that really stands out is that I can’t think of one “anti-trigger warning” academic who has acknowledged power relationships and the university structure in any significant way.  Needless to say, no demand from below to above can be regarded as “censorship” (and I don’t even think in this situation anyone made any demand).  But, also, I think that these academics are trying, by omission, to characterize an acknowledgment of power dynamics/critique of academics based on power dynamics as a form of neoliberal demands to “acknowledge our privileges.”  This is a really disgusting conflation, because one of the reasons performance of “acknowledging our privileges” is shitty is precisely *because* it obscures and forecloses the naming and acknowledgment of structural abuses of power. 

Oh my God it’s so hard to do antecedent/pronoun clarity in long text posts. 

This may be a pet peeve revulsion, but something that I’ve found very disgusting about academic histrionics and victim complexes in these past few months is the following: Most of the articles I can think of written by academics do that whole “Yes I am sympathetic to trauma victims” and “Yes please let’s have a good faith discussion about this and not see each other as enemies” thing.  It’s transparently manipulative, and I’m not at all surprised by this, but THEN what happens is that people reblog and repost these “so sensitive to the students and their needs BUT” articles like: “YES!  Finally someone standing up against these pathetic whiners.” 

And then, despite the academic who wrote the initial article claiming, in the article, all sorts of sympathy and understanding and “good faith,” the academic doesn’t take any measures to tell these people who *make fun* of trauma victims/survivors that they are radically misinterpreting their article or anything like that. 

And I’m not even talking about Jock here because Jock’s article had the benefit of being really, REALLY easy to mock.  There is actually a good group of people right now in Jock’s circle who have to pretend not to think that parody Twitter is funny, for example, because honestly his scholarship has always kinda transparently sucked and he’s always been kinda an emperor’s new clothes type figure. 

But the whole issue of assault on university campuses, and how those assaults are actively encouraged and covered up…I dunno.  I’m still kind of mad about that Higher Ed. think by E. Freeman, with that gross list about why her and that dude won’t use trigger warnings.  There was one point on the list where they were like, “It’s really awful that there are so many rapes on campus, administrators should really deal with that.”  No characterization or framing of campus sexual assault as an “attack on intellectualism” or an “attack on the classroom.”  No call for collective action against these cover ups or mention of the complicity of professors or even of the administration. 

Anyway I forget where I’m going.  I just mean to say, I think, that you know you’re dealing with truly shit people when they write articles about how much they are sympathetic to people and how they desire to operate in “good faith,” and then don’t seriously object when others flat-out mock the people who are supposedly being engaged with with “understanding” and “good faith.”  (This also creates a situation where anyone who reacts with anger is “venomous” - there is no correct response here but compliance). 

Some dude commented on JH’s Facebook about how language police  are trying to replace “desire” with “virtue.”  Since I am funny and loose and watch comedies, I’m going to be frustrated all night about not being able to find the Mr. Burns quote that reminds me of. 

I had this dream the other night where I woke up weeping.  I actually woke up weeping uncontrollably and could not get to sleep for another 3 hours. 

It was so stupid too.  I mean that nothing that happened in the dream was interesting.  Basically I was in a weird, enormous, inside pool (in the dark) with some really good friends (who were not people I really know).  We all came up with this really amazing and exciting plan to leave our cell phones floating in the water while we swam, because it was a magic pool and our phones would not get water damage.  Then we swam to some sort of surface.  When we got out I told someone about the floating phones and the person looked at me like I was weird and then I went to my friends for confirmation and they looked at me like I was a crazy person and like we had never all had the “magic pool” conversation, and they made fun of me.  Oh and I think my mom had bought me this phone.  So I immediately knew that I destroyed my mom’s present to me and that it was totally idiotic for me to believe my phone would just be fine in the water, and I also felt awful that all my friends were acting like we never made the decision together.  Then I was suddenly at my work desk and unbelievably upset, and my (real) coworker (who I fucking love and want to get to know more) said: “You have to be a big girl and get back to work now.”

Then I woke up and I couldn’t stop weeping.  And then in the past few days I felt this sick feeling, like the dream really happened and something awful and intolerable happened in my life. 

I want to talk to some sort of dream person about this shit.  I’ve never woken up crying before.   Like I usually have comfort dreams when I’m depressed that make me want to stay in bed!

I hate the feeling of being really depressed and wanting to say words to people just to pass the time but then not wanting to do that because it’s annoying. 

Today I wore mixed prints for the first time. 

ridesabike:

Elaine Stritch rests her bike, reads a note, almost causes a riot.      
NEW YORK, June 26—TOLD TO KEEP HER SHIRT ON – Blonde Elaine Stritch, understudy to Ethel Merman in the Broadway hit, “Call Me Madam,” wears halter and shorts which cause her arrest in Central Park. Today she was fined $1 and told by Magistrate Emilio Jones, “A beautiful girl like you could cause a small riot and cause a large crowd to collect by removing your shirt.” “Well,” she replied, “I was there all day and nothing happened.” (AP, 1951)

R.I.P.

ridesabike:

Elaine Stritch rests her bike, reads a note, almost causes a riot.      

NEW YORK, June 26—TOLD TO KEEP HER SHIRT ON – Blonde Elaine Stritch, understudy to Ethel Merman in the Broadway hit, “Call Me Madam,” wears halter and shorts which cause her arrest in Central Park. Today she was fined $1 and told by Magistrate Emilio Jones, “A beautiful girl like you could cause a small riot and cause a large crowd to collect by removing your shirt.” “Well,” she replied, “I was there all day and nothing happened.” (AP, 1951)

R.I.P.

(via t-akver)

Puppy triangle top

desperately looking online for swimsuits for the first time i will be near the water in 3 years, and look i came across the perfect one, though no way it will ship in time :-(

realsocialskills:

this ask is about bullying and being an adult who kids ask for help:
i know from experience that it’s important not to teach bullied kids that the way to defend themselves is to mentally place themselves as superior to the bullies, because that can crush the kid’s self-esteem later, & can so easily turn them into someone who bullies a different kid to feel better.
but what should you say to support kids instead?
yrs, a past bullying victim, now older & trying to support kids thru the same thing
realsocialskills said:
I think, before considerations about teaching kids who come to you for help self defense, it’s important to consider what you might be able to do to protect them. You are likely in a position to offer them material protection as well as self-defense advice. This is a situation in which actions speak louder than words.
For instance:
Can you offer bullied kids a refuge?
  • If you’re a teacher in a school, can you start a lunch club or recess club where kids can eat and hang out in your classroom instead of going to the playground?
  • If neighborhood kids are coming to you for help, can you make your house or yard a safe space for them to hang out in away from bullies? 

If you’re an adult with some kind of power over kids (eg: a teacher, a youth group leader, etc), you might be able to make some things better by supervising things more:

  • Can you pay close attention to what’s going on, and intervene when the wrong kid gets suspended?
  • (You know from being bullied that the kid who gets caught often isn’t the kid who started it.
  • If you pay enough attention, you might be in a position to protect the kid who is being unjustly punished.)
  • Can you pay attention to when harassment and bullying rules are being broken, and enforce them? Rules can actually make a difference when they are enforced consistently.
  • (For instance: if there’s a rule against touching people’s stuff without permission, can you pay attention to when kids take other people’s stuff and insist that they stop?)
If the bullies are taking or destroying the kid’s possessions in a place that’s hard to supervise, can you offer them a safe place to keep it?
  • Being able to store things in a place bullies can’t get to can make a huge difference
  • For instance, a kid whose science project keeps getting destroyed by bullies can complete it if teachers give her a secure space to store it and work on it
  • A kid whose dolls keep getting destroyed by his brothers will probably be much more ok if an adult gives him a safe place to keep his dolls.
If the bullies are preventing the kids from eating:
  • Can you provide a safe place for them to eat? 
  • If bullies keep taking food away from the kids who are coming to you for help, can you give them food?
  • If kids need to break rules in order to eat safely, can you allow them to break the rules?
Has the kid been physically injured or threatened in a way the police might take seriously?
  • Sometimes the police might take things seriously even if the school does not
  • Calling the police is not always a good idea, but sometimes it is
  • If calling the police might be warranted, can you offer to sit with the kid while they call the police?
  • Or to call for them?
  • Or to go to the police station and make a report together?
  • Going to the police is a lot less scary if someone is helping you; and children are more likely to be believed if adults are backing them up
  • If they have to go to court, can you offer to go along for moral support? (It makes a difference. Testifying is often terrifying and horrible and it’s not something anyone should ever have to do without support)
What else can you do?
  • I don’t know you, so I don’t know what the kids coming to you need, or what you’re in a position to offer.
  • But there are almost certainly things you can do that I haven’t thought of
  • if you think it through, you can probably think of and do some things that materially help bullied kids.
  • Actions speak louder than words. If you help protect them, you send the message that they are worth protecting.
You can also be an adult who believes them:
  • Being believed about bullying is incredibly powerful
  • So is listening
  • Kids who are bullied often have everyone in their life try to downplay how awful it is
  • If you believe them about their experiences and listen, you send the message that it matters that others are treating them badly
  • And that it’s not their fault.
  • And that they’re ok and the bullies are mean.
There is an emotional self-defense technique that works better than the destructive one we were taught as children. It was developed by Dave Hingsburger, and he describes it in The Are Word (a book anyone working with people who are bullied for any reason need to read.)
 
I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago about how it works, and I will probably do so again in the future. 
Have any of y’all helped out bullied kids? What have you done?

Something that is cool and I am genuinely thankful for is that I’ve reached the stage of being comfortable enough with Depression that being around other people can inspire me to fake it until I make it.  Alone it has felt as bad as it ever has.  But I can always fake it now.   Or, well, I can fake it okay.  I sometimes shake and feel like I seem awkward and like a robot trying to talk.  But mostly, I can fake it and it feels fine.